Coming out and telling people you identify as LGBTQ+ can still be a very stressful time for many people. From worrying about what people may think to fearing they will change their perception of you, there’s a lot to get caught up in your head about.
After recently campaigning for things such as inclusive sex education and the normalisation of gay sex at this year’s NYC Gay Pride, adult entertainment website Xtube have made it a priority to highlight the outstanding issues the LGBTQ+ community face. Therefore, the experts at Xtube have very kindly put together some pointers for those worried about revealing their sexuality.
Understanding yourself and your own feelings first and foremost
This is the most important thing when it comes to considering coming out to your loved ones. Remember, while there are people that may have known they were gay from the age of 3, along with the internet stating that the majority realise by the age of 12, this isn’t the case for everyone. A lot of the time, teenagers will hit a period when they decide they want to experiment and figure out their sexuality. Hitting puberty can be a moment in which some people will question what sex they are attracted to.
Understanding will come first, accepting comes next
Sometimes people will find this part the hardest. Societies all over the world have lived in a world where being gay was not only frowned upon, but also illegal.
In most cases the ‘man meets a woman, falls in love and has children’ narrative is usually what’s considered ‘the norm’. Suddenly, finding out that you don’t fit into that stereotype can be difficult and daunting. Advantages nowadays mean there are people that you can talk to, whether it is a specialised counsellor, a friend or even someone through a computer screen.
Seeking support in order to help you accept your sexuality shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed of, and if you do find the support you need, it may clear all feelings of shame and/or embarrassment.
When it comes to telling people, try it out first on the one person that you feel you trust the most
A lot of the time, your intuition won’t lie and they will either say that they had already assumed, or they won’t even bat an eyelid and tell you that it’s okay. When you have revealed your sexual identity to one person, it will only get easier to tell others.
Always prepare for the individual you’re telling, consider their views/traditions and/or religious beliefs because their responses may be the ones that make you feel anxious or uncomfortable. Focusing on the positives and staying relaxed throughout the entire conversation can influence the person you’re telling. Plan what you are going to say to different questions that may arise in the conversation purely so you don’t feel flustered and you know what you want to say and how.
People are curious and might ask you questions that you haven’t even had a chance to think of yet. Stay calm. Just because you’ve revealed you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you need to figure out whether you want children or not on the spot. A lot of straight woman in their mid-twenties wouldn’t know the answer to that if pressed! Don’t rush to make decisions for the simple fact you have revealed your sexual preference. Take it one step at a time.
Last but most certainly not least, be happy and stay proud of who you are, for a lot of people that’s the most important thing. Seeing you happy will make them happy and the example you set will make you even more confident in your own skin. Own it.