We get it, you think you’re capable of turning us straight.
Even in this day and age, it’s hard to come out to someone without receiving a boatload of privacy-invading questions in return.
We know that they’re just curious and most of them might mean well, but at some point, it gets increasingly difficult to hold back a sarcastic response. And sometimes we just can’t.
Whether you’re a puzzled straight dude or a gal who can relate, here are the most frustrating questions that us queer girls receive on a regular basis.
#1 How do girls have sex?
The concept of two girls having sex is apparently so absurd that a lot of people just can’t wrap their heads around it. Here’s what I can’t wrap my head around, however – how do complete strangers think this is an appropriate thing to ask someone they just met?
Like, hey there, neighbour’s friend’s cousin twice-removed! Pleased to meet you, let’s talk about your sex life.
#2 Are you sure you’re not just confused?
I’m not, but I’m somebody sure is.
Some people take a whole lifetime to come to terms with their sexuality. Some people just know.
Nobody wants to have the legitimacy of their sexuality questioned by someone who just spent two seconds thinking about it and already thinks they know better.
#3 Wanna have a threesome?
Why does everybody seem to think all lesbians and bi girls alike are just standing around, waiting for the perfect couple to come along and ask them this?
They’re like, “Boy, do we have the opportunity of a lifetime for you!” as if you haven’t already been made this offer three times this year. No thanks.
#4 When did you decide to like girls?
Oh, you know, I just woke up one day and thought, “Why not? Time for a lifestyle change.”
Then I walked into the Super Secret Queer Girls (editor’s note: that should soooo be a thing) club, got my complementary flannel, and the rest was history.
#5 But don’t you want to have kids?
Some of us do. Some of us don’t.
Luckily, we’re all living in the 21st century, and you’ll be please to know science has evolved since your 8th grade Sex Ed seminar, so there’s plenty of options for us to choose from!
#6 If you like girls, does that mean you’re attracted to yourself?
I’m not sure how common this question is, but if you’ve ever been asked this, I completely understand if you were too stunned to reply with anything but a blank stare. Just… what?
Next time, however, feel free to just flash them a wink and say, “Who wouldn’t be?” Gets them every time.
#7 So how does scissoring work?
We’re not supposed to tell you this, but here’s a little secret: it doesn’t.
Trust me, we’ve all tried.
#8 Are you attracted to me then?
Just because I’m attracted to girls, doesn’t mean I’m attracted to every single girl that walks past me.
Or, the popular alternative, “You know I’m straight, though, right?”, accompanied by a horrified look.
Contrary to what you might think, telling you “I like girls.” does not directly translate to, “I’m hopelessly in love with you specifically. Let’s run away together, yes? I’ll get the strap-ons.”
#9 But aren’t you too pretty to like girls?
This is just offensive on so many levels.
It makes you wonder what the “default lesbian” that shows up in their mind looks like. Must be some sort of goblin.
#10 If you like girls that look like boys, then why not just date boys?
I just want to take this moment to say that women can do the “masculine aesthetic” way better than men can.
Masculine women are not men and men are not masculine women. Masculine women, however, are drop-dead gorgeous.
This has been a PSA from your local, friendly queer girl who hopes to never hear this question again.